


After the End

by mylifeisloki



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Character Death, Post Infinity War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 09:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14615286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeisloki/pseuds/mylifeisloki
Summary: Thanos' success changes everything. How can anyone possibly be expected to cope? For Steve, letting himself rest isn't an option.





	After the End

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR!

The fact that his loss was shared by the rest of the world this time didn’t make anything easier for Steve. In a lot of ways, what Thanos had managed to accomplish was so unprecedented that mourning felt like a waste of time because of the sheer magnitude of death.

No, he reminded himself. It wasn’t death. They’d ceased to exist, like they’d never been there at all in the first place. Less than a day with Bucky at his side again and now he was gone.

_“Steve.”_

That was all he’d said. In his final moments, he’d called out to Steve.

“Steve.”

Natasha’s voice cut through the heavy silence around him and the soldier only hunched his shoulders a little more. They’d been together now for a long time. Once Natasha had left Tony and the Accords behind her, she’d sought him out and they’d been side by side ever since. It wasn’t the best existence in the world, but together with Wanda and Sam they had a little family. They protected one another and that was good enough for now, especially after all the shit they’d been through.

It was like the truth wouldn’t quite sink in. Half of their friends were gone. Half of Wakanda, half of the world. Tony and Strange were still missing, as well as the rest of the Guardians; God only knows what their fates had been, wherever they were now. Vision was dead in a more tangible way and it hurt to look at him, hurt to see him lying there grey and motionless and unfeeling. Thor was still in shock from his loss. He was angry and Steve understood more than he could put into words, but there was sorrow in his eye and tremors in his voice when he spoke of what he’d lost. And Wakanda; the people mourned the death of their king and their people alike.

As soon as she was able to, Natasha called Clint with her eyes closed and her grip on the phone so tight she might have snapped it in two. Laura was gone, he said, but the kids were alright. Pepper was safe. He’d already heard that Scott had disappeared, as well as Fury and Maria Hill. Steve couldn’t imagine how many others; the number was just too big to even try to understand. All he knew was that they’d lost the most important battle of their lives.

“I can’t do this right now,” he said. “Whatever it is, I can’t.”

Natasha probably had a plan. She’d probably already made peace. She probably knew exactly how to handle herself and balancing her own losses with the fact that Thanos was still out there. He felt her sit down beside him where he was perched on an outcropping of rock overlooking a lake near the palace. He’d come there often to think after the mess with the Accords, after Bucky went under again, after he’d calmed down enough to feel sorry for everything. Deep down, he figured he knew that she would find him there.

“I finally got the others to rest,” she murmured. Natasha’s voice was so soothing when she wanted it to be; deep and warm and rich like honey. He flattered himself to think that she didn’t let everyone see that side of her. “It’s your turn now.”

Steve huffed out a humorless laugh. “I can’t sleep, Tasha.”

“You don’t have to sleep.”

“Then I am resting.”

He could feel her pressing her lips together beside him. She worried for him more than she let on most of the time, but Steve tried his best not to do anything that would make it worse. The truth was that he wasn’t sure how much more he could take; he was already so disillusioned and tired that the smallest thing might send him right over the edge into---

Into what? Depression? Been there, done that.

“Come inside,” she urged lightly. “Have something to eat, lay down… Rest.”

Steve shook his head, but said nothing.

“Steve, don’t be stupid--”

“I can’t rest, Natasha!”

She was taken aback; he could see it even if the signs were minute at best. She sat up a little bit as he got to his feet and ran his hands through his hair. They hadn’t stopped shaking since the realization had hit him that Thanos had won. “Don’t you understand? He won. He fucking tore half the people on this goddamn planet from their families and you want me to rest?!”

Children. Women. Innocents. People were suffering and all because they hadn’t been good enough.

“He’s still out there,” he protested, gesturing to the sky in general. “He’s out there probably feeling fucking proud that he did what he set out to do and I need-- I need to make sure he knows that this isn’t over. I’m gonna-- I’m gonna--”

Cry.

Steve stopped there and wiped angrily at his eyes with the back of his hand. It had been a long time since he’d actually allowed himself to do this; he probably hadn’t cried since Peggy’s funeral and there he was letting it happen again with Natasha there to comfort him.

“Can you go? Please?”

Natasha stood up and made her way over to him without hesitation. She’d already changed out of her suit; Steve figured it was soaked with the blood of those things they’d been fighting.

“Why? So you can brood all alone? We’re past that.”

Before he could stop her, she’d wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Her head landed softly on his chest and the first thought Steve had was that she couldn’t be comfortable like that, with his armor scraping over all the soft skin on her cheek and her arms. She was right, of course. They were past trying to hide from one another. Steve had learned a long time ago that lying to Natasha was a pointless endeavor to begin with, but even more ridiculous when she’d already set her mind to figuring him out.

“I’m not brooding,” he mumbled in protest even as he let his arms wrap around her in turn.

Natasha didn’t look up at him, but he knew she was smiling in that quiet way he loved, like all the tragedy in the world paled in comparison to how fond she was of him. It was a selfish thing to indulge in, he supposed, but he loved her for it.

He loved her.

It was really as simple as that.

But hey, Bruce was back in town and he couldn’t possibly know whether or not they were going to pick back up where they’d left off. It wasn’t like he’d shared his feelings with Natasha other than being there and spending time with her and… probably being completely obvious about it.

“Come inside,” she said again, finally lifting her head to rest her chin on his chest as she looked up at him. “I won’t make you sleep, I promise. Just come and lay with me.”

He gave in. Steve felt like he was always giving in to Natasha, but she did seem to want whatever was best for him. As she led him inside, however, it was nearly impossible to stop thinking about their next steps, about what they might do to fix this or… or at least avenge the deaths of so many people. Would killing Thanos even mean anything at this point?”

“Steve,” she murmured as she closed the door to the bedroom she’d found for him. “You’re thinking too much.”

“We can’t ignore what happened.”

Shaking her head a little, Natasha began the daunting task of unbuckling and unzipping and strategically getting Steve out of his uniform for the time being. By the time she’d gotten the top part open, he was very nearly sagging forward. It hadn’t occurred to Steve before, but it wasn’t just fatigue that he felt; Steve felt his age.

“Finish that up while I get you some clothes,” she instructed, leaving him to pull his boots and bottoms off. He was sitting on the edge of the bed when she returned, his elbows on his knees and his skin blossoming with more bruises than he could count. They’d all taken a beating out there. “Here, put these on and lay down.”

He did as he was told, but only because he knew she wouldn’t really talk to him until he let himself rest. Laying on his back, Steve stared up at the ceiling and tried to calm his thoughts.

“I know we can’t ignore it.” Natasha crawled up the bed to lay down next to him, their arms pressed together between them. “It hurts for me too, you know.”

Steve immediately felt bad for acting like he was the only one in pain. “I know it does,” he admitted. “I’m sorry, I’m just--”

“I know.”

She probably did. With very little exception, Natasha seemed to know everything.

“We have to get to Thanos.”

Natasha pushed herself up and leaned over him. Steve missed her red hair, but she was still beautiful even with her lips pressed together into a little frown and the crease in her forehead. She mourned in her own way, he supposed. “What you need to do right now is rest,” she reminded him. “We’re no good to anyone like this.”

This time, she laid down on her side and lifted his arm to drape it around her shoulders. Steve appreciated the lack of space between them, but he knew he couldn’t sleep now.

“Is there any hope?”

Natasha’s hand slid onto his chest and she patted it twice. “Honestly, Steve? I don’t know.”

Steve nodded slowly. She was being honest with him. He had to appreciate that, especially considering he knew she didn’t want him to suffer any more than he had to. And what hope was there, really? Even if they found Thanos, there was no guarantee that any one of them would be able to use the infinity stones to reverse what he’d done. Obviously they couldn’t just be wielded by anyone who tried and what if… that was just outside the realm of things that could possibly be fixed? What if they were gone for good?

“It doesn’t feel real,” he said after a while. “How can it possibly be real?”

Natasha shook her head a little and sighed. “We did all we could.”

“If we had, maybe things would be different.”

“Or maybe there was no way to avoid it.”

Steve shifted a little bit. “That can’t be right.”

Silence stretched on between them for long enough that Steve began to wonder if Natasha had fallen asleep beside him. They were both exhausted; he wouldn’t blame her for getting a little rest in while she could and he preferred her being with him at the time if only because he didn’t really want to be alone.

“When it happened, I thought you were gone too.”

Steve blinked and glanced down at Natasha, but all he could see was the top of her head and her hand on his chest. “Yeah?”

“I was calling for you and you didn’t answer,” she explained. “So I came running.”

The implication that he hadn’t been actively looking for her hung in the silence that came after she spoke. Steve had been preoccupied with Bucky, with Vision…

“I’m sorry…”

“No, no, I just…” She shifted beside him and Steve knew it was her way of getting emotionally comfortable; they weren’t exactly the sharing type and they were both more tired and irritable than ever, so they weren’t likely to start now. “I’m just glad you’re okay,” she finished.

Yeah. Steve wasn’t sure what he would have done if Natasha had been taken too. “I’m glad you’re okay too,” he admitted. “It’s kind of unthinkable that I’d lose you now.”

“Sentimental, are we?”

“I just watched my best friend fade into nothing; I think I’m allowed to be a little sentimental right now.”

Natasha wrapped her arm around his waist and squeezed. Steve didn’t feel quite so alone.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Steve woke up barely having realized that he was falling asleep in the first place, Natasha was gone. As he rubbed a hand over his face, he slipped out of bed and quietly made his way towards the nearest kitchen for a glass of water and maybe a small snack. His metabolism didn’t do well with not eating at all; he needed energy if he was going to keep fighting.

But when he heard quiet voices in the kitchen, he stopped just short of the doorway and pressed his back against the wall to listen. It wasn’t in his nature to eavesdrop, but it was Natasha speaking and if his instincts were correct… Yeah, Bruce was in there with her.

“I hope this doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

“Nah, of course not. I’m not gonna hold a grudge, Nat. I’m the one who left.”

Steve was frozen in place and listening intently to the conversation between Natasha and Bruce. He was hardly breathing, his back pressed against the wall, brow creased. He’d been sure that they would pick back up, but it would seem that he was wrong.

There was some movement and Steve figured they were hugging it out; the whole thing was unprecedented.

“I thought there was something going on. I hope you two get a good shot at this.”

“A shot at what? Look at the state we’re in as a group.”

“Take my word for it when I say that he won’t waste time if he’s given the chance again. I get the feeling he’s been waiting a long time to make a move.”

Pause. Steve held his breath.

“You really think so? And it’s not weird for you?”

“I can’t think of two people more suited,” he answered. “You guys should be happy together. And with all of this going on… I think we all need something that’s gonna get us through.”

“Well, we’re still family,” she said decidedly. Steve smiled if only because he loved that she’d come to be so open with how she felt about them as a group. They’d come such a long way. “I mean it, Bruce. You’re one of us too. If you ever need anything…”

“You’re here,” he finished. “I get it. Now get back to him before he wakes up without you.”

Steve was gone in the blink of an eye, hurrying back down the hallway and throwing himself back into the bed before she got there. But when she did get there, she only sat on the edge of the bed beside him and reached out to touch his chest.

“Steve?”

Nothing.

“Steve.”

Nope. He wasn’t going to break.

“Steve, I know you were listening, just wake up.”

Shit. Steve opened one eye and gave her a guilty look. “I didn’t mean to.”

She raised her eyebrows. “You didn’t mean to eavesdrop?”

Sitting up, Steve braced himself on his elbows and sighed. “I heard you talking to Bruce and I wanted to know what was going on.”

“You could have just asked.”

“Sounds complicated.”

Pause.

“It doesn’t feel like the right time for this.”

Natasha took a deep breath-- he could see it in the way she moved, but she didn’t say anything in particular. He wondered if she was taking it as some kind of rejection and hurried to correct that.

“What I mean is that we’ve just lost everyone and… it feels wrong to be happy about something.” He reached out to touch her knee. “But I am happy about it. About this, if it’s really happening.”

“The last time I tried to wait for a time that ‘felt right’, we never got anywhere.”

She was right about that. He’d waited too long when they’d gotten close and then she’d waited too long with Bruce. Waiting for the right time might not be such a good idea anymore, not like it was back in the day.

“So what do you want to do?”

Natasha picked her head up and leaned in really close to press their lips together. It wasn’t a deep kiss or anything, but Steve’s hand went to the back of her head to hold her there and Natasha’s fingers curled into the soft fabric of his shirt in a silent demand to stay.

“I just want to know that at the end of all this, after we kill Thanos and fix everything, it’ll be me and you.”

Steve swallowed. “It’s been me and you for a long time, Tasha.”

Putting everything else on hold was easy for them. Steve pulled Natasha into his arms and they slept a while longer knowing that they were safe in each other’s arms. When they woke again, it was Natasha who started postulating about the fate of the infinity stones and what they might be able to do to fix everything. She was the one who brought up Thor’s new weapon and hoped that somewhere out there, Tony was still working on a way to bring back the ones they’d lost.

Absolutely nothing was certain. There was even talk, once they were together as a group again, of whether or not killing Thanos would cement the fate of the people who’d faded away. No one had ever faced anything of this magnitude before; Thor was more determined than ever to enact revenge upon Thanos for not only the death of his people, but Loki’s death as well. It harkened back to their first foray as a team, in Steve’s mind.

Thanos made it personal. They all had something to fight for beyond the fate of the world.

It would take time, but as the team began to work together to solve their problem, Steve began to have a little more faith that they would be able to do this. When Tony returned in a spaceship with Nebula, who was introduced by Rocket as ‘Gamora’s psycho sister’, he brought insight none of them had considered before and only furthered the cause.

Still, there were no guarantees. As they stood on the precipice of what would either be a tremendous triumph or the end of each and every one of them, all Steve could count on was that Natasha would be there with him until the end and for that he was eternally grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
